to clear the queue

I'm just posting so that misery fest isn't the most recent thing on my blog...

So...let's see. Some good news:

Our lettuces, broad beans, coriander, and french beans are growing.

We've planted summer bulbs and the garden is looking 80 times better.

AND:

My brother Aaron (AJ) is engaged to the sweetest loveliest girl in the world. Ashley is like already sister to me and I can't imagine anyone who could make my brother so happy or who could be so suited to eachother. Congratulations Aaron and Ashley! They're making plans to be married next August. :)

I've already got plans to knit Ashley a wedding shawl. And AJ says my mum wants to sew her veil. :) SO sweet.

And...let's see...Andy had a birthday on Thursday and I made the best fish pie EVER and the best chocolate orange cake EVER. And it was a great day.

And in the interest of posterity: Happy Birthday to my Grandpa who had his birthday May 10! :)


In other news I'm still struggling with mounds of rubbish...but thank you to everyone who commented on the last post...I really appreciate it. :)

here i am...

I'm definitely not promising a return to bloggin anytime soon. I don't know if I can handle it at the moment. Things are so incredibly mad that I don't really know how I could cope with the perceived (albeit self-imposed) commitment to blog on a regular basis. I do, however, think that my (4?) readers would like to know how I am since I haven't seen anyone at all in a very, very long time. Even the people I know in person are kind of cluless about what's going on with me. I'm having trouble responding to e-mails and Ravmail and everything.

I struggled a lot with the idea of writing this post (for ages...) because I wasn't sure anybody would care. I get the impression that some people are quite cross with me or can't be bothered because of the way I keep dropping in and out of internetlife...and real life for that matter.

I do want to give a semi-update on what's happening here at the House of Wanderlust...a kind of low down on the trials and tribulations in the hopes that people will forgive me for not seeming to make the effort to connect with them right now.

So, in no particular order here are the things that are going on with me right now:

Work: I call my boss The Cyber Controller (hereafter known as TCC)because of her extreme desire to reprogramme me and my colleague (formerly known as The Little Usurper and now known as The Little Godsend or TLG) and to force us to assimilate or be deleted. I may have posted briefly about this before but I honestly cannot remember. At any rate things have gotten much worse recently. She acts like such a child sometimes and I can't even fathom her boundless ability to take no responsibility for anything whatsoever. I know I can be difficult to work with/live with/manage/help/befriend/deal with/etc. but this goes beyond any problems I might have and the blame for this one lies squarely at her metal, goose-stepping feet. Nobody who comes into contact with her has any time for her, her games, her lack of tact, her rudeness, her laziness, her self-centeredness, her lack of quid-pro-quo, her inability to support, etc. I constantly get asked in the lift, or in the corridor, or after meetings if I'm coping with TCC and her stupid, stupid ways. I am constantly told by staff from other departments that they'll keep an eye out for vacancies in their teams, or keep me in mind if anything comes up. Of course I can't rely on the kindness of strangers and I've been keeping my own eyes open anyway. I've been looking for a new job for about 6 months but with the recession and my complete lack degree and of any marketable skills (I do admin...along with about 4 million other people, most of whom probably have a degree) and my unrealistic desire to not do admin anymore I've had absolutely no luck. Add that to my increasing inability to talk myself up (due to seriously soul destroying dressings down from TCC every.single.day) and you have a total recipe for complete failure and misery.

Which brings me to worry/concern/problem/deathstrike number 2:

Money: As some of you will know Evil Andy and I bought a house last year right before all the mortgage companies clammed up and the housing market (and everything else) crashed into oblivion. We are in negative equity (and we really don't want to know how much) and now have to look more at a 10 year plan of staying in this silly town rather than a 5 year plan as originally...erm...planned. This is incredibly hard for me because I'd hoped to go back to University for that all-important degree in about 3 years. Oh well? SO, back to money. The mortgage is nearly twice our former rent payment so though I'm now making a tiny, tiny bit more than I was making when we applied for the mortgage I regularly (read "every month") run out of money about 2 weeks before payday and end up eating porridge for 2 meals a day. Add to that the fact that we've got lots of oncosts associated with things like DIY (the house needs serious attention and we can't just leave it), the garden (arguably something we could leave for the time being but I think our neighbours would kill us if we don't start raising the tone of the neighbourhood...), The Orcling (he's not expensive in and of himself but the petrol needed to drive the 400 miles total to pick him up and take him home every other weekend is, Bella (she seems to cost a lot of money what with her two kinds of special medicated food, the big bags of litter, the worming tablets, the Frontline, the vet's bills, etc.), and life. I can't not eat, I can't not put money on my Oyster, I can't not live. I've cut out all my luxuries (thank goodness Evil Andy bought me the Socktopus Fibre Academy for Christmas) and I bring packed lunches to work and I have no life and I don't go into Central London unless work is paying. It's like being a monk (erm...nun?) only with more stress and fewer perks in areas such as spiritual calm, mental good health, happiness, an ordered life, and not having to worry about food, accomodation, or serious relationships.

And that brings me to:

Evil Andy: I won't say a lot about this...I'm not announcing that we're splitting up or that we hate eachother becuase we're not and we don't but obviously the problems listed above (and below, when I get to them) are taking their toll on our relationship and we're not getting on as well as I'd like us to right now. I have to say that I think the main problems are primarily with me and my issues and my past and my health and my stress and my everything...but regardless of the cause and how crap I am we're still struggling...still having problems...and still not the happiest we've ever been. (He's not actually evil by the way...he's just an orc...)

Self image: Added to the above issue I have to add that at work I eat lunch with a group of people all about my age (youngest is 23 oldest is 30) and although I know that I really should elect to leave their company based on the things they say and the way they behave because of TLG (my work colleague) who is lovely I stay and eat lunch with them every day despite the hurtful actions and words of 2 of the young men in the group. 1 constantly tells me I'm f***ed up and accuses me of trying to stitch one of the other blokes (who I have to say is quite lovely) up by giving him bad advice (which I didn't do!) and the other has been calling me ugly and fat at first behind my back but now quite openly to my face. So, add that to the fact that Evil Andy and I aren't getting on best lately, that the stress of work has led to me putting on about a stone, that I haven't been taking my medicine for some stupid reason, that I can't afford to cut my hair or buy new clothes, and that the girls I eat lunch with are all trying to get me to watch Gok's Fashion Fix, wear contacts, put on more make-up, try fake tan, go to Toni and Guy for a cut and colour, go blonde, and to go to Primark or New Look with them, and I am feeling so ugly, so fat, so unfashionable, dowdy, a tomboy with bad hair, bad glasses, a bad figure and a bad life. Completely unattractive. And though I know I shouldn't link my self worth to my placing on the League Table of Sexiness and though I am trying to Not Care about all of this it's just making me feel like I'm nothing.


Family: One thing I don't remember telling the blog was that I was going, and indeed went, home for Christmas. My dad bought me (just me) a ticket with his frequent flyer miles. This was very, very hard and though I am very, very glad I saw everyone again I am finding it harder to connect with my family since I came back than I did before even thogh I hadn't seen them for 4.5 years. My sister (Ame) and my brother (David) and partly my other brother (AJ) gave me such a hard time when I was over that I spent a lot of the time crying myself to sleep (when I wasn't passed out from jet lag...). Apparently (according to Ame) I've f***ed up my life and nobody wanted me to come back and I should have stayed in England. Also all 4 of my siblings told me off for sounding too English and decidedly Not American and not like I used to sound and they were all convinced I was faking it (except I do think Mary Joy accepted that my accent has changed towards the end of the visit...) and David and Ame were actually extremely rude about it. Ame and David said some pretty horrible, terrible things and I spent more time than I wanted to being very upset and wishing they'd be nice to me. Which is a lot like life used to be at home only then it was my mother being horrible and my siblings were fantastic. Ame and I used to be very close and I know that some of her hostility at Christmas must stem from perceived abandonement after I moved away because when Andy and I got engaged she actually spoke to him on the phone, and talked to me about it, and was quite happy and supportive (unlike the others...). I do hope that going back more often over the coming years will help to comabt this but it really doesn't look like we're going to get the chance to visit Seattle for my cousin's wedding in September because of our money trouble which is a pretty crushing blow. But the visit was still good...even if it was only a week. My grandmother and even my Wicked Aunt were all really, really sweet and didn't try to "publicly shame" me or anything. I think Ame's hostility was the hardest...we used to be so close. And thinking about it now it's what's making me most upset. Seeing Mary Joy again was so special...I'm glad I went back. But I wish Ame and I could talk if not like we used to then at least as adult sisters who love and support eachother. All these emotions have just kind of crippled me in the "ET Phone Home" department. I haven't been able to call them...not once and they aren't calling me. And the longer I leave it the harder it gets to pick up the phone and the guilt grows and grows and grows.

And on that note I come to:

Kara and John: Kara and John are my two best friends...and I still call them my two best friends even though I haven't spoken to either of them since Christmas (and I haven't spoken to Kara on the phone or in person even longer...). I did get to see John when I was home but Kara was with her family in Boston for the holidays and I didn't get to see her. John is now in Afghanistan and I worry about him all the time...And I'm really really ashamed to say that I am having trouble talking to Kara like I used to. I feel like I can't pick up the phone (see above) because I do have this really horrible block about using the phone at the moment...and also because when I talk to Kara I like to be alone...or at least not overheard. And Andy is always around. It's not because I want to talk about him (obviously I do...sometimes) but because I strongly feel like our conversations should be private and between us two...And because I can tell her things I wouldn't tell Andy or John or anyone. But then I get caught up in the guilt of how infrequently we talk at the best of times and how unfair it is for me to call her up and then only have dreary, miserable news to tell her. I know deep down that she wouldn't care...that she would just like to talk to me but I feel so guilty and horrible about it that it stops me...and times goes on...and I just. Don't. We've spent so little time together, we've never lived in the same place (she moved to Seattle a few months after I left) and I don't want this friendship to fade. Because Kara has been, and still is as far as I'm concerned, the best friend I've ever had. But I know I'm not being the best friend to her as she's been to me. And I know I have to try and fix this. But I'm honestly scared to do it...I think I'm afraid that if I say something after all this time I might lose her. But I have to face that if I don't say anything I'm losing her anyway.

And that brings me to:

UK Friends: There's not a lot to say here other than the not getting out and not going online is also affecting the relationships I have with people I've met here in the UK. There are other things going on here...I have to accept that my life, and my situation, etc. aren't the same as other people's and I shouldn't be jealous of the things that other people have...but it happens. And it is making me sad...and I'm find it hard to engage with the folks here in London for that reason. BUT there are extremely joyous things afoot for certain members of the London Crew as well and I'm looking forward to that a LOT. So my unhappiness is more than counterbalanced by the happiness of others and I do hope that I'll manage to get out of my shell and see some of them (all of them!) at least once this summer.


And the final worry (that I'm sharing with you right now) is:


Health: No, I'm not worried about Swine Flu. (I only worry about irrational worries...like whether a burglar will break our patio windows and Bella will accidentally cut her stomach and gut herself while trying to escape...) But I've been having a few different issues with health (physical and mental) and I'm essentially not coping well right now. I think the stress and anxiety and sadness from everything else that's going on is eating away at me...and my health problems which were mostly under control this time last year have taken a turn for the worse. I know that part of my weight gain and my physical illness are down to me not taking the medication I take for insulin resistance...which I really do need to take but I've been so...numb so uncaring about myself and my personal safety and personal happiness and everything that I haven't felt like I want to take care of myself. I've not been bothered. I don't feel like there's a point. I am working on this and I do see my doctor and I am trying but this really doesn't help. But even were I taking very good care of myself I would still have some of these problems and that is also really hard right now. It's not a very good time in my life to be getting into all of this...or maybe it's exactly the right time? Who knows.




And that's mostly it except that I really don't feel like I can talk to anybody about this. Even here I've held back so much because there are things I really don't want to share. I can't talk to Kara or John right now for the reasons mentioned above, Ame doesn't even want to be my sister right now and I definitely don't want her to feel that I have f***ed up, I can't tell TLG because once you tell a friend you're not THAT close to about serious personal problems it gets messy and there are things I don't want her to know, and my London friends I'm either not that close to or have waaaay too much else going on right now for all my rubbish. I can't talk to Andy either because half of the things I want to talk about are problems with him or relating to him and such...and I don't want to talk to him about it in the first place. I've talked to my dad a bit but there are things you can't tell your dad...and I know he has his own life.
So I thought long and hard about whether I'd just write this down and then save it or whether or not I'd post it...but I think I will post it. Writing things down helps...it gives voice to things. But I also need to feel like I'm telling someone...because writing things down can still be keeping them in...and I need to let this out. Hopefully by using the blog I can do this without burdening any one person with all my crap. Hopefully the internet can carry these stupid words away into the ether and I can feel unburdened and listened to even if nobody sees this (and though I don't want to keep this to myself I do kind of hope nobody DOES see this...)


I know that I should feel like I'm lucky...I know that I have family and friends and a house to live in and things to look forward to and things are not falling down around my ears even if it feels like it. But I don't feel lucky...and I don't feel like I've got those things...I feel alone and unhappy and that makes me more guilty than ever.

I do have to fix this...but it's going to be hard work and it's going to take a long time.

ADVERTISING?!

I have absolutely nothing to show/say for myself.

There’s plenty going on over on Ravelry (user- wanderlustlost) and at my Flickr page (wanderlustlost.flickr.com, or click on the link in the sidebar) if you must know what I’ve been up to lately.

But mostly I’ve been doing a whole lot of nothing.

Evil Andy and I celebrated our 4th anniversary last week (Thursday, August 14th) in true homebody style.

We went to the bookstore and bought each other books. Apparently 4th anniversary is fruit, flowers, and books. Weird. Anyway, we each picked out 3 or 4 books on a predetermined topic and then we looked over them and decided on one to buy. It was foraging for wild food for me and growing vegetables for Andy though we’re both equally interested in both topics. We arbitrarily decided who would get what topic. Really informal gift giving as both books are practical and also useful to our household. Anway I got “Wild Food for Free” which is a good guide to foraging (though we’ll have to beef it up with some HFW and the Collins guides in a short time…) and Andy got “Grow your own vegetables” by Carol Klein of Gardeners World.

We were off most of last week (Wed, Thur, Fri) to celebrate. We had a lovely celebratory dinner of homemade pizza (with wine!) and then on Friday we went foraging. We found mushrooms but I’m afraid to eat them. (Even though I’m certain that they’re edible field mushrooms. I’m just afraid there are bugs inside…) Saturday we made lovely jam and had roast chicken dinner. (Free range is best.) And on Sunday we went on a longish walk around our area and did a bit more foraging. We found a penny bun (porcini) mushroom but it was old and had maggots in and was dirty and broken and I didn’t want to eat it so we left it in the ground.

On our walk we bumped into Alison and Suzy who I used to work with at Connexions. They live not too far from us now. It’s a bit weird how both Alison and I moved from the US to the UK, settled in the vicinity of Crouch End, and then both moved to the same town in Hertfordshire within like 2 weeks of each other. Alison’s totally from Michigan though. And her favourite colour is purple. Mine is orange (today, usually it’s green. It depends how I feel.)

Oh, and also somewhere in the misty haze of the Olympics and old Dr. Who videos (yes, videos) our computer decided to die. So it did. And now it’s not working. Evil Andy thinks it’s because I joined KnitWarriors (go see Lime & Violet for details) and stressed the system with all my dorky point scoring. I think it’s because the computer is sick of being forced to run Football Manager 2007 for 18 hours a day and decided that it’d rather commit suicide than live one more day as Andy’s obsessive sport minion. Whatever it is I’ve not been and will not be online at home for “some time”. (But on the plus side, this means more time watching old Dr. Who videos. We have several. I like Tom Baker and Leela the best.)

Those of you not interested in fibrely pursuits turn away now.

This is my tally of knitly/spinly/dyely activities last week:

Time spent on new spinning wheel- 0hrs
Time spent dying yarn for my grandmother’s Ysolda hat- app. 2 days
Time spent knitting 1 sock of a pair- app. 4 days. I’m slowing down.
Time spent knitting on Isobel’s Tulips scarf- 2 days, not finished yet.

FOs- 0
WIPs worked on- 2
New WIPs added- 1
UFOs ignored- All of them.

I’m sure I’m forgetting something. Don’t worry. I’ll get over my crapness eventually. (Not.)

Introducing...

...indieknits!

I'm nothing if not an enabler.

I know very few people read my blog, but I know my people and my people are yarn collectors.

And I also know that my people really wouldn't want to miss a chance to pick up a skein of yarn from one the newest, brightest sparks in the indie dying world.

Meet indieknits, also known as Laura. She's a new indie dyer operating from her kitchen in West London. Her colour sense is amazing, and what's more, she's a wonderful person and I'm proud to call her my friend.

Here is a sample of her dying genius.



This is probably one of my favourite of her new colourways and it's called "Gold into Straw". Other stars include "Spring River", "Electric Feel", "Srawberries and Cream", "Lavender", and my toppest favourite "Bordeaux" (which is sold out!! But I've heard it from a little birdie that more is in the pipeline!).

The "Gold into Straw" sock yarn can be seen all knitted up-like here.

So, go show your support for Britain's newest dying talent! The more you buy, the more she dyes! ;)

Nothing but nothing, like.

Yes. I kind of promised pictures. No. I don’t have any. Blocking out a sweater when you no longer have a spare bed is a bit difficult. Even a wee ickle baby sweater and the very slight puckering of the fronts of the cardi really don’t lend themselves to good photo having.

SO, I’m not here to talk about my FOs, and how much I’ve knit since we moved house. (The answer is very little. Probably why I won’t talk about it.)

What I am here to talk about is my knitting mojo. It’s gone on a holiday. Perhaps to Beijing to watch the Olympics. I have no doubt that this lack of enthusiasm for knitting is, in part, down to my personal (secret and unofficial) commitment to take part in the Ravelympics with my own personal goal. This is only slightly more doable than, say, making a personal, secret, and unofficial entry into the high jump and trying to do THAT in my living room during the Olympics. But it’s looking as if I might as well have entered a shadow dressage event rather than a shadow knit-down.

And here’s why: Though I have over 200 (!) or so stashed yarns and fibres, though I have a queue that is approximately 3 feet long, though I have hundreds maybe even thousands of patterns lying around the house in various forms (free in binders, purchased in binders, and magazines) I have no desire to knit any of it. My queue is precisely organised, like my bookshelf, according to “what comes next” (well, Page 5 onwards is just a hotch-potch actually…) but when it comes to actually casting-on any of these items I’m supremely uninspired. Not to mention my desire to wrap up my UFOs. Those Pomatomatoes socks are actually going to be fantastic in 2012 when I finally finish them. But right now? I couldn’t be less bothered if I were Katherine Tate herself.

I know I said “And here’s why” but the truth is that I have no idea why I’m like this. I have no idea why I’m itching to knit all day while I’m sitting at the computer at work and sneakily peeking at blogs and patterns and thinking about knitting yet why I’m so uninterested when I get home and have my knitting in front of me. I know that part of it is down to “where I am” right now. I’ve got a kind of nervous, mad energy to keep moving, doing, creating coupled with an unnamed, unreasonable anxiety over practically everything. I think about what is in my box next to the sofa, or what is in the trunk upstairs and I can’t bring myself to move to go and get whatever it is I deem “next”. I think what I need to do is to decide and do it. I had to force myself to finish “Tulips”. Maybe I need to force myself to just knit whatever’s next on my list. I do have to finish off David’s pirate hat so perhaps I should just do it? I’ve made a decision actually to frog the first hat (too small, wrong needles) and knit it again, along with the mittens rather than sell it to a co-worker and knit a second hat. (I’ve decided I don’t like the co-worker you see.) But last night, well, my energy to even LOOK at the hat was zero.

I’ve got joint pain, which I hope isn’t anything serious. I’m petrified of getting arthritis and not being able to knit or spin. Though nobody in my family has ever had it and apparently this is a significant contributing factor. I’ve stopped spinning for a few days as the pain is in my knee, elbow, wrist, little finger, and shoulder on my right side. BUT, my left side is hurting as well, just not as much. Sometimes I get joint pain when I’m coming down with something and I’ve had swollen glands for a few days and congested sinuses. I’m hoping I’m not dying. (See? Anxiety.) But this doesn’t encourage me to irritate my hands with any extra repetitive movements.

I’m getting restless…and hoping that this won’t lead to me just making mitred squares for 3 weeks or something like that. (Though then I could make that cool sock yarn blankie…it’s a consideration.)

As some of you might know my Great Aunt Janie passed away in August last year. I believe it was the morning of August 17th. Since the anniversary of Aunt Janie’s death is coming up and I’ve been planning a memorial project I’d like to get started. A very generous Raveler has donated the pattern I want to use. But I don’t have the yarn. However, the same generous Raveler has, in a bout of amazing kindness which appears to be quite typical for him, offered to buy and send me the yarn to knit the shawl. I can’t even express how much this has touched me. But I’m having difficulty agreeing to it. I want to, so very much, say “Yes, please.” but it kind of goes against the grain for me. However, I won’t be able to afford the yarn on my own for quite some time (I hate my mortgage) and I do want to make this project to honour my lovely Aunt Janie. It’s a dilemma. :(

What do you think I should do?

“It’s not the smoking, Steve. It’s the crapness.”

I have approximately millions of things to say. Most of it is rubbish.

I will say that my knitting record is pitiful recently. Case in point, Tulips.

I started the Tulips sweater on July 2nd on 4.5mm needles. I knit all the stripes through Happy Forest and just about to join Blue Lagoon. I hadn’t understood (in my infinite stupidity) an instruction about moss stitch at the colour changes. I assumed (in my infinite stupidity) that those instructions only applied to the border. Then I noticed “Oh, actually…I’m not supposed to just change colours. There’s supposed to be a little moss stitch bar between them!” I also noticed I wasn’t getting gauge (by like .5 of a stitch!) so I ripped all the way back and started over with bigger needles and, you know, with actually following the instructions.

I ripped back and started again at about 09:00pm on July 24th. I cast-on and knit the first row, placed my markers, and then watched crap TV (probably CSI) and went to bed. The next day, Friday the 25th, I had corporate induction at work and I knit (much to the amusement of the other corporate inductees and to the approval of the presenters) all day on the sweater. By 16:00 I had completed all my body stripes and was ready to do the borders. I knit the bottom border and the two front borders on the car ride to get the Orcling from Coventry. I could have, at a push, finished the sweater before the day’s end but I decided to relax a bit. I had spinning to do to meet my Tour de Fleece goal (more on that later) and so I put the knitting away and spun for the rest of the evening. The next morning we were going to see Evil Andy’s mum (Lovely Jo), his sister (Helena) and her two girls (including the new baby Alice! The other daughter is Isobel. She’s 4 and adorable, if a wilful handful!) and I wanted to have the sweater done to give to Baby Alice. In the car I applied all the I-cord (backwards, on purpose, because I put the fronts on in the wrong order so I had to purl my I-cord instead of knit it!). I started the first sleeve at Andy’s mum’s house. When we went to visit Helena and the kids I had finished the first sleeve. I was very nearly finished. Just one sleeve and an I-cord neck edging and tie left. Instead of finishing that weekend I, like a lame-ass, showed Helena the sweater (she loved it) and told her I would finish it in time for Alice to wear it (she’s too tiny for it at the moment and it’s too warm!) in the autumn when she was a bit bigger. Silly me, however, I underestimated my motivation when I wasn’t up against a deadline. In order to combat my known lethargy I even knit the Spring Tickle Stripe on the sleeve. I had just Happy Forest, Blue Lagoon, Some Summer Sky, and Visual Purple (plus a Blue Lagoon border!) to go. That’s NOTHING. It took me far too long (until last night actually) to finish the second sleeve and then do the I-cord. But finish it I did.

So, from start to finish it took me 1 month and 4 days to knit a baby sweater. A 6 month sized baby sweater. A sweater that comprised less than 2 days of actual knitting time. A sweater that I should have, and very easily could have finished in 2 days.

This is ridiculous. This is also typical. If I want I can finish a pair of socks in 4 days. Invariably, even for the easiest socks, in terms of actual time between cast-on and cast-off it takes me approximately months.

What’s wrong with me?!

I can only imagine that I’m a complete moron.

SO, this is why I haven’t signed up for the Ravelympics. It takes me too long to finish things. I don’t want to let my team down. (My team is Team Socktopus. I’m voting for them with aplomb. And also with panache. I’m their cheerleader you see.) For a record of my past failures see Tour de Fleece. I had a pitifully low goal and I completely and utterly failed in every. single. point. I did not spin every day. I think I spun 5 days out of the entire race. I did not finish my Tequila Sunrise. I did not finish my lovely alpaca. I did not finish any silk. I did not finish a damn thing. The one thing I managed to complete was the plying of a giant Finn batt I bought from Piiku at Ally Pally last year. It only took me 6 months from yarn completion to plying. And I wouldn’t have done that if I hadn’t bought that Handy Andy from P&M Woolcraft at Woolfest.

So with such a terrible record at competitions, races, and KALs I thought it would be mean to penalise the other Socktopods with my crapness. I’ve never once completed a KAL item during the actual period of the KAL. I once tried to knit some socks for the Six Sock Knitalong during the actual month the pattern was published. I started in June 2007 and finished (get this) in fucking April 2008. That’s nearly a year to knit a VERY quick, lovely, lacy, open pair of socks for my mum.

So my record is, quite simply, shit.

BUT, I’ve set myself an unofficial goal. I aim to knit something (won’t say what event I’m unofficially entering) during the time of the Olympics. It’s a personal, unofficial goal. I don’t know what it will be tomorrow. I’ve cleared an important WIP (Tulips) so I’ve got a bit of space to cast-on for something new. I will say that I aim to finish at least one UFO, and knit at least one new item during the period of the Beijing Olympics. This means, starting tomorrow night.

Wish me luck. Whatever I knit, I’ll need it!

I've been thinking...

I’m by no means an experienced knitter. I have a list of knitting “I never”s as long as my arm and though I learned to knit a good 5 whole years ago I didn’t start knitting “full-time” until 2006. My 2 year knitiversary isn’t until October. And yet, I feel I’ve observed a lot during my short time on this knitting earth about different knitters, risk taking, skill building, and the way people approach knitting in general. I don’t know if my observations are at all valid, but I’ve genuinely come to believe over the past 2 years that knitters knit as a sort of microcosm of their personality and their lives. Even those knitters who knit in a way that seems complete incompatible with their personality are, I believe, giving into something fundamental about their nature. I think the way that we knit says volumes about who we are and how we interact with the world around us.

I take a rather frenetic approach to knitting. Like my moods and personality my knitting is a world of extremes. But it’s not always one or the other. It’s not always as simple as “Insanely Complex vs. Mind-numbingly plain” or “300 projects on the go vs. 1 project at a time”. My knitting, like me, goes through cycles which vary widely depending on my mood/frame of mind. Sometimes the polar opposites do take dominance and then it’s all or nothing, one or the other, but never both. Other times I’m all over the place knitting quickly and efficiently finishing a mess of UFOs in one fell swoop yet moving seamlessly into casting on for new projects every 15 minutes to giving knitting a break for massive stash acquisition to carrying one project around for weeks while I finish it slowly and methodically to letting glaring errors lie to obsessively fixing the smallest mistakes to massive pattern modifications to complete slavery to the pattern as written. My living room like my unfinished craft room, another long-standing UFO, is littered with projects, yarn, fibre, and intentions. My knitting, follows my moods with, I think, a strange eeriness. Nothing else in my life so closely echoes my personality as this.

I think I’ve always been this way with crafting. But it hasn’t become apparent until I started knitting. Painting and drawing was my big focus before textile and fibre pursuits. I think when I was big into drawing (pencils, charcoal, pastels, crayons, etc.) it was more noticeable than with painting because the time and space and place you need to start painting is greater than to whip up a small sketch, or cast on for a new pair of socks.

Does anyone else find this is the case?

I could go into the different ways people knit and what it says about them in general but I think that plenty of other people (notably Debbie Stoller and the Yarn Harlot) have done this before and I doubt it would be particularly enlightening to add my 2p to the discussion. What I particularly noticed about myself is that I’m constantly trying new things. Ok, my list of “I never”s IS shamefully long. But I obsessively read blogs (I’ve bloglined hundreds) trawling for knitting tips that I can bring into my repertoire. When I read about a technique that looks particularly complicated yet interesting to me I will try it as soon as I can, either in a compatible project or in a swatch or mini-knit just to master the technique. Though, let’s face it, there are knitting things that I haven’t tried because it doesn’t suit the kinds of things I like to knit. I’m not an expert and I don’t know everything. But I admire people who only learn what they need to get on. I admire people who find one cast-on that they like and stick with it. I admire people who have found one way to effect a jogless colour join in striping in the round and stick with it. I can’t be that way and it worries me that this is why I so rarely finish things. I go about knitting with the same manic restlessness that pervades the rest of my life. When in certain moods I often will choose projects simply because they’re complicated, include loads of new techniques, or have a reputation as “difficult”. Yet, invariably, when I feel I’ve “mastered” the project I will leave it off for a good long period of time before (if ever) finishing it. It’s the challenge, the process, that to me is most important. And this is difficult for me because I’d quite like some product to show for it.

This manic restlessness also leads to plans with no outcome (see my Ravelry queue for illustration), stash with no plans (see my Ravelry stash for illustration), and an ever burning desire to move on to newer, harder, bigger, better, crazier.

Well, how is it for you? Are you disappointed in the way you knit? How long is your list of knitting “I never”s?

No matter how hard I try, teenagers will always get pregnant

I know I’ve been a complete dickhead by not posting for so long.

I think the weight of work, stress, obligations, various deficiencies (real and imagined) on my part, Evil Andy’s addiction to Championship Manager, the rubbishtude of the BT Home Hub, and the impending death of our home computer have combined to push me into the realm of the unbloggable.

Part of the problem is that I used to blog (when I blogged) from work or in my spare time in the evenings. Since I’ve changed jobs I have very little time to spare (when the boss is in the office, she keeps me busy with millions of menial tasks) for personal pursuits in the daytime. Even when I do though- I’d happily take my lunch at my desk and use the internet at the same time- the strict council internet policy and eagle-eyed stickler co-workers really limit the amount of time I can spend doing anything personal. I, like the rest of the council, do break the rules. But I must be sparing in my flagrant disobedience as my boss and the bloke who sits next to her are both extremely ramrod about rules and regulations. Furthermore this new job and our house move has necessitated a bit of a commute and each day I wait for Andy to pick me up after work so we can head home. I can’t get on the computer while I wait for him to come home now as we get home at the same time. And as soon as he’s home he’s on the computer to play Football Manager 2007. I used to get an hour or two in the evenings when we worked closer to where we lived. Not so. So the biggest problem is just access to a computer.

But there’s more. My life isn’t fantastic at the moment. Interestingly the problems I’ve been having in my relationship with Andy seem to have diminished and the rest of the problems have magnified.

For starters I think I hate my new job. I love the work, the motivations, the purpose of preventing teenage pregnancies, especially as the particular borough I work for has such a problem with them. I even love my boss (as a person). It’s just that I can’t stand her managing style. There’s plenty for me to get on with every day. I have lots to do. This is a busy place and there are only two of us in the department. I’ve got enough to be getting on with. But my boss, who will remain unnamed, will spend all day shovelling meaningless, pointless, menial tasks on me. I find this almost unbearable. She, either through ignorance or sheer pickiness, will ask me to complete the most pointless of tasks. It’s always “worth double checking” even though I know the answer. Or “worth calling just to make sure” that so and so knows this or that even though I’ve called and/or e-mailed them very recently and let them know. When she asks me to carry out a task and says “I’ll leave it to you” and I do it she’ll then pick apart the work I do, re-do it to her style/specifications/etc. and then ask me to proofread it/send it out/action it. I either want her to give me the freedom to decide, or to tell me exactly how she wants something. Not this combination of the two. I really need to be able to work to my own initiative. I’m most productive, creative, and efficient when I’m left to get on with things. I need the responsibility. If I’m treated like little more than an admin task monkey then I’ll behave that way. I know that the quality of my work isn’t as high when I’m managed this way. Why should I bother if everything I do will be changed anyway? I’ve tried to let her know but she doesn’t get it. She’s a micro-manager with control issues. While she’s away for the month of August she’s asked me to keep a diary of everything I do each day. This is so galling, annoying, frustrating, and insulting that I can’t stand it. I let her know I wasn’t happy with it and didn’t want to do it but she just looked at me and kept repeating her various weak arguments as to why I should do it until I acquiesced. I’m looking for a new job already and I’ve only been here since April.

Moving swiftly on there’s the money issue. We’re so completely broke that the only birthday present I got this year (aside from some lovely flowers for the garden from Andy as a sort of “Sorry I couldn’t get you a real present present) was a cheque from my grandmother which (though it took 4 weeks to clear!) I used to buy a spinning wheel from Laura (indieknits. As I’m writing this at work I can’t make any links in the text…). I’m not usually fussed about birthdays but this year I turned 25 and I would’ve loved it to be a bit more special. Money is very tight at the moment. So much so that for the first time in 4 years we’re not going away for our wedding anniversary. We’re going to spend time making it special at home instead. But we are taking time off work. (It’s the 14th and 4 years. Unlike Grumperina I quite like the number 4. It’s square, and balanced, and natural (4 points of a compass, 4 elements, etc.) I was born on the 4th of July for example. Also it’s a lovely yellow colour. Cheerful and nice.) But not having any money is hard. It’s not been as bad as this since I first moved to the UK and didn’t have a job. It’s just another reason to keep applying for new positions. My salary only went up by about £100.00 a month when I got my new job. I’m on a fairly rubbish grade and I’m at the top of the scale for that grade so my salary won’t go up unless I can demonstrate that I’m doing work more suited to a higher grade. Phooey. It’s new job time again and I hate job hunting. Anybody want to hire me for their business?

Anyway, on top of this all I’ve been having some bad mood moments. I’ve been cycling really rapidly between extremes on the mood-o-meter and it’s made it very difficult to focus on anything as demanding as keeping up with my internet life. Ravelry, blogging, bloglines, e-mail all take up time and require a bit of dedication in keeping up as I should. And with me I’ll be extremely focussed and organised one day, and completely apathetic and uninterested the next. I really need to work on this. L

But the wheel’s been by far the best thing of my life recently. I’ve had it a week now and it’s giving me such joy and actually is very relaxing. My first attempts at a wheel a few weeks before I bought the Ashford Trad (she needs a name!) from Laura were TERRIBLY. I was spinning Beaumont Braf undyed wool. It was soft as anything but the super short staple was making it hard to be consistent on my first go. The yarn itself was actually very nice when it was plyed (not by me). But my first attempts on my new wheel are actually pretty good if I do say so myself. They’re even, and the singles are fine enough to make a nice worsted-weight after I chain ply them. Which is what I was after so I feel pretty smug. Though not all attempts turn out so well. I spun a terrible “thick/thin” yarn the other night…overspun in some places. I’m having trouble finding the right balance on the wheel between enough tension that it pulls the yarn onto the bobbin fast enough and doesn’t put TOO much twist into the fibre, and enough slack that it doesn’t yank the fibre out of my hand before there’s enough twist in it or even fully completely leaving me fiddling with the orifice hook.

I don’t know what the wheel’s name is yet. Definitely she’s female. My first instinct was Isobel but that’s the name of my niece and she being 4 and very particular wouldn’t like it if ever she found out. So my next instincts are to go with something “Is” sounding and as I’ve been reading Arthurian tales a lot recently I’m thinking Iseult or Isolde. Or on a different tack perhaps Isidore. I think the feminine of Isidore is actually Isidora but I like the sound of the former better. I know that the “real” Iseult would never have seen a spinning wheel, but I like the name and the associations in my brain. I briefly considered Morgan/Morgaine/Morgana and also Morgause/Morgawse, but I don’t think either of those names fit. Who knows. Any suggestions?

Anyway, the major events since I last blogged are:

· I went to Brighton with the knitting girls and had a fantastic time. Photos can be found on Laura’s (indieknits) blog and Mel’s (yogicknitter) blog or on Flickr and Ravelry.

· I went to the Lake District for Woolfest with Larissa (as yet blogless) and had another fantastic time but I bough way too much fibre, two new spindles, a handy andy Andean plyer (best thing ever!), a magazine, and only 2 skeins of yarn. Under budget but over burdened! So much to carry! No photos up yet.

· I went to Camp Bestival with Larissa to work in the I Knit tent with Gerard, Craig, Alix, and Sue to teach knitting to all and sundry. It was a blast. The festival was fun, but tiring. I didn’t know any of the bands that were playing really. Or if I did only in passing. I did have a brush with fame in that I “met” Kate Nash. (By met I mean she came into the knitting tent and chatted with her friends and signed kids autographs and had her picture taken and I stood/sat around knitting and feeling uncomfortable about all the crowds around her.) It was a good time but expensive. The food was outrageously priced and I saw very little of the festival because I was in the tent all weekend. But it was good fun and I’d do it again if asked. (Though I doubt I’ll be asked if I’m honest!)

· I bought an Ashford Traditional from Laura. And I love her (both Laura and the wheel! Thanks Laura!)

· Bella escaped (Andy’s fault) and was missing for 24 hours. I went out of my mind and stalked the neighbourhood like a wraith sobbing and training Frobisher (her toy spider) in my wake hoping she’d come and chase him. I put posters up around the whole town and put handwritten (our printer’s broken) letters in the letterboxes of all the houses in the neighbourhood. I had finger cramp and I accidentally pierced my thumb with the stapler when I was notifying a telephone/electiricity post of Bella’s disappearance but I hardly noticed. When she came back she was wet (it had started raining) and covered in slug slime. The neighbours were really kind and all stopped by to see if she had been found and they kept an eye out for her and even made a few sightings. When she came back we were afraid she was pregnant but we couldn’t afford the cost of the spaying so we applied to the RSPCA for some spay vouchers and were granted them. She was spayed on the 21st of July (she was not pregnant after all!) and she seems to be much happier, calmer, and less stressed since the operation. She’s just as affectionate as before, but she seems more cheerful since she’s free of the heat! Yay Bella! She’s not going to be let outside intentionally until her fur grows back, but her scar is healing nicely.

· I met Baby Alice! Andy’s sister had a beautiful baby girl (her second) in late June and we went to meet her a few weekends ago. I gave her the stuffed Elijah I knit for her and I gave her sister Isobel the stuffed Sophie I knit for her. Sophie’s new name is “Pink Rabbit” and I don’t know if Elijah has been given a name at all. Interestingly Alice received two other elephant stuffies from various people. And before she was born she was big that Helena complained that she felt she was giving birth to an elephant. So I had to knit an elephant didn’t I? “Pink Rabbit” was a big hit with Isobel. I knitted a yellow scarf for Pink Rabbit because it’s Isobel’s favourite colour. Pink is her second favourite. And, though I didn’t know it, rabbits are her favourite animal so she LOVES it and she’s been taking it places with her. I’m not sure if it will be a mainstay of her toybox, but for now they’re best friends. I’m so pleased! J

· We moved the day after my last post. We now live in Hertfordshire and not London. Our new house isn’t perfect…it needs a lot of work. But since we moved in we’ve changed the bathroom and toilet floors, sealed and painted the bathroom ceiling, replaced the faulty showerhead, and faulty washing machine fittings, planted some flowers and potatoes, started composting, cleared the garden of weeds, painted the toilet, and put new curtains up in the lounge. It’s not a lot but it FEELS like a lot. I just want the DIY to be over. We still need to get Jemimah (a former colleague) around to clean the carpets though I don’t think we can afford it at the moment, she’s not expensive we’re just skint! She’s opened her own cleaning business called Mop Smart. If you need a cleaner let me know and I’ll give you her details. I can say, hand on heart, that she does a great job as she used to clean our old office and she’s a lovely lady!

· Other things. I have no idea. Oh, if you’re reading this and you’re Emmmmmmms. I have a “present” for you that I picked up in Brighton oh so many moons ago. J


And finally, in closing. I hope to try to blog more often. I will probably not make too much of an effort to put up photos though. Anyone who cares what I’m knitting can see it on Ravelry (if you’re not a member you totally have to join!) and I’ve got photos of other stuff up on my Flickr page. It’s too difficult to upload photos to blogger at the moment, especially while I’m at work because I’m limited from going on Flickr and Ravelry. I’m writing this post in Word and then I’ll quickly copy and paste it into the post form on Blogger.

Let me know if there’s anything you want to know (all 2 of you readers) and I’ll try to update more often.

xE


P.S.- My July RSC parcel still hasn't arrived? Have any other English RSC parcels landed?

I may not post much, but I still read YOUR blog!

I know I never post, but I do still read blogs and I did notice when Erqsome tagged me!

I was tagged by Erqsome Emmms for the "Peeps I want to know more about" meme. The rules:

Each player answers the questions about themselves. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer.

1. What was I doing 10 years ago?

This is a relatively easy and boring question to answer. 10 years ago I was 14 and it was May, nearing the end of my first year of high school. I’d probably already “met” douchebag (my ex) by then and begun the road to 4 long years of a fairly crappy high school relationship. But, most clouds have silver lining and if it weren’t for douchebag I wouldn’t have met John and as John is my favourite and my best I wouldn’t change it. (Well, most of it.) At any rate, 10 years ago it was late May. If you want to say what I was doing on a Friday in late May I was at school all day and probably spent the evening begging my mom to let me out to go to the movies or to let me talk on the phone for a few minutes and in the end I no doubt ended up watching TV or a movie with my siblings and going to bed. (Although at this exact moment it was the middle of the night and I was probably up late reading by a flashlight or moonlight or the light from my glowworm toy, which is probably why I wear glasses now.) But I doubt that’s the spirit of the question. 10 years ago I was as boring as I am now. I’ve always been a bit reserved, a bit of shut-in. I believe someone at the time likened my habits to the reclusive ones of another Emily. (Dickinson.) I spent most of my weekday nights doing homework and I spent most of my free time reading. That summer, like every summer, I hung out with my siblings, visited my grandparents, and danced barefoot in my backyard in a long, medieval style nightgown by the light of the moon.

2. What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

a) Work, which includes about 50 to-dos not least of which typing 3 sets of minutes, drafting several letters, ordering various promotional materials, and not acting like a complete idiot.

b) Pack. We’re moving tomorrow and we need to pack the kitchen. It’s the only room that isn’t finished now. (That and the bathroom, but I kind of need to shower.)

c) Knit. I’ve finished Sophie, and I’d like to start the second I have planned. I’d also like to start an Elijah and an Otto. I’ve got to sew down the brim of the Yarr Be Pirates hat that I knit for my brother but that won’t fit (due to lack of swatching, I’m at a tighter gauge than I should be) and that is now going to be given to a co-worker to give to a friend.

d) Read. I’m currently reading The Merlin Trilogy by Mary Stewart. I’m only on the first book “The Crystal Cave” but I’m really enjoying it and it’s big on my agenda at the moment.

e) Watch QI. I love this programme. I feel a natural affinity for Stephen Fry for several reasons. One he reminds me hugely of my dad but also of my favourite teacher in high school. And he’s clever and funny and I identify with him for very personal reasons which means that I’m a big fan of him in a way that I’m not of other actors/celebrities I admire.

You can see my life is just as boring now as it was 10 years ago. Replace "school" with work and half of the time I spend reading with knitting and replace my siblings as TV watching partners with Evil Andy and here I am. At least Evil Andy is no douchebag.

3) Snacks I enjoy:

Hmm, this is tough. I’m a big snacker. (Which is why I’m so fat. And Emmms who says she’s not a big snacker is so thin!) I love crisps. I love most flavours except Cheese and Onion. I love it at the time but the after taste just ruins it for me. I love sweets, but mostly chocolate. I do have a soft spot for jelly fruity sweets (like Jelly Babies, or those orange slices in sugar) and for Jolly Ranchers and other hard fruity candies like Polos or Lifesavers. I also like to snack on popcorn (all types except salty kinds), cheese, corn tortilla chips, wheat-free scones, English Muffins, and crumpets, ice cream, cake (probably polenta cake), wheat free cookies, biscuits, and oatcakes. And actually I'll snack on anything. Even bits of a main meal (boiled vegetables, half a piece of spelt lasagna, a bit of smoked salmon, some salami in a pitta, etc.)

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Well, this is a ridiculous question. I’d buy a lovely old house. Something historical, but not necessarily huge. Though in my dreams I’m a servant (so much more interesting) in a lovely old stately home like Calke Abbey or Audley End House. I just want an old house with lots of nooks and crannies and lots of history and stories and ghosts. I would, of course, buy loads of yarn and I’d go and visit my family a lot. I care about the environment but I’m far too sentimental and homesick to not fly if I have the money. (Even though flying terrifies me.) I’d also do all sorts of other things. I’d donate more money to my best causes. And I’d leave my job and go back to University and get a degree and work doing something I love. I’d like to be an archaeologist, or a historian, or work in a museum or library, or be a curator. I’d buy Andy some first edition Tolkien works and take him on a re-honeymoon back to Hawai’i. I’d also take him to his dream holiday destinations like places with volcanoes, and China, and Peru. I’d do lots of things. Probably the usual things. Did I mention I’d buy a spinning wheel and all the trimmings and probably a farm with sheep and alpacas and horses and etc. (this would be on the land attached to my love old home) and I’d buy all the knitting yarn I liked and I’d finally get my hands on some of Sundara’s yarn.

5) Places you have lived:

I’ve lived in very few places. I lived in Bellevue, Washington for 18 years of my life. Then in Notre Dame, Indiana for 9 months. I lived in Seattle, Washington for 2.5 years and I’ve lived in London for 3.75 years. As of tomorrow I will be living in Welwyn Garden City, Hertfordshire. I've lived in only one house in each of these places.

6) Peeps I want to know more about:

I think everyone has already done this now. If you haven’t done it consider yourself tagged.I don’t like to jump around people’s blogs tagging them so I’ll just put out the broadcast here. If you’re somebody I know like Princess Deia, or Yogic Knitter, or Sunshine Pop (aka ShazzRazzmatazz, which I spelled incorrectly) then consider yourself tagged doubly so. (If you haven’t been already.)

Probably going to do a nicer longer update with photos of my house after we move. I'll do a before and after photo. (It's going to be before and after furniture. We have zero pounds for decoration at the moment.)

okluvubai.

...

It's been a long time since I've had the energy and inclination to post here. My creative drive in terms of the written words comes in fits and starts. And I really can't predict when my mood will be just right to compel me to sit at the computer and tap out a post, a letter, a story, a poem, anything.

There's been a lot on my mind and a lot on my plate recently. I've not been very well health wise, and I've been entirely wrapped up in myself, my family, and my own life and problems. As such I've neglected those close to me, people I care about, and I'm sorry for this.

It seems like everything is happening all at once. There's good news and bad news. Terrible news and worse than terrible news. But there is hope and a certain will to get through it all. So I suppose I have that to keep me going.

In short, I have had more than a little happen in the last 3 months. In chronological order here's an update of my life.

My cousin Joey and his wife had a baby just before Christmas. A healthy boy they named Soren. I'm so proud. My grandparents have had their first great-grandchild! And he's the first baby of his generation in our whole family. I've knitted him a toy rabbit. :)

Andy was very ill over Christmas/New Year with the Noro Virus, which hit him much harder than it did anyone else in the family because of a previous illness and (we think) stress. He was ill for three and a half weeks. It was a mixed blessing that his illness manifested itself in lower digestive discomfort rather than vomiting which means it was far less contagious. But he became so dehydrated we spent a very long night in A&E a few nights before Christmas. He's all better now, but it did take him until mid-January to fully regain his strength. So there was that taking up my time. I was, of course, ill myself during much of his illness and also in full-time work. So I spent a great deal of time exhausted and rushed off my feet. I didn't get to see Jackie or Susan while they visited England over the holiday period and that was a huge disappointment for me.

When Andy was recovered we stepped up our house hunting. Back in November we agreed with the landlady (henceforward known as Yvonne, because that's her name)that we'd only have 6 more months in the flat we rent from her. She's a senile old bint to put it mildly. When we first moved in we had furniture we didn't want to get rid of and couldn't afford to store so she took some of her furniture out of the flat and we brought ours in. There are too many chairs in the living room and we have an armchair in the kitchen and a sofa in the bedroom, but this has been the case from day one and she knew what was going on from the start. She also said we could get a cat as long as it was a cat that stayed indoors. We got Bella who's a fraidy cat and stays in the house and loves it. We've had her for 2.5 years. Last November she complained to us on two grounds. 1) She said we can't be cleaning the flat properly with all that furniture inside and she wanted us to put it in storage and 2) She never said we could have a cat and we'd have to get rid of her and by the way she runs a cat shelter she could find a nice home for her. We refused on both points, kicked ourselves for not getting her craziness in writing, and agreed we'd leave in 6 months. She's the worst landlady we've ever known so we're very happy about this. Anyway, we looked for a house and found one within two weeks, put in an offer, had it accepted and we're now doing paperwork and meeting with mortgag advisers and estate agents and blah blah blah practically every weekend. So we're moving just north of London to a 3 bedroom, midterraced house with large kitchen, living room, and dining room, 3 large bedrooms, a bath and toilet, and a large front and back garden. Lovely. I'll get my own yarn room! But that's been taking up loads of my time.

Then our niece Isobel came down with pneumonia a few weeks ago and had to be hospitalised and put on oxygen. It was touch and go for a while, but she's slowly getting better and is now recovering at home. We've been very anxious and worried.

Also a few weeks ago I was made redundant. The company is closing and I won't have a job from the 1st of April. I've been frantically looking for work and going to interviews and writing CVs, letters, and applications. Wish me luck. If I don't get a job soon we'll lose the house and have to start the search over.

I have been knitting, but not much. I've recently finished the aforementioned stuffed rabbit, a chevron scarf, and a pair of socks. I've been reading a lot. I recently finished Le Morte D'Arthur. I've been very boring, quiet, shut-in and stressed.

I hope next time I post there will be more joy to report.